I think when people are under stress they look for sources of comfort. They play video games, or they eat, or do anything that produces comfort. Sometimes these activities are destructive. For example, comfort eating makes your health worse. Some people advocate exercising or eating well as remedies for stress, but this is difficult to do since stress causes you to stop doing these things. This is attempting to fix the symptoms and not the source of the problem. The fundamental problem is that something in your life is producing stress. From my own self-observations, I get stressed when I don’t work on things that I need to get done. Working hard is not stressful, but not working hard on something that you care about is. Some of the reasons that people don’t work hard on something they care about is maybe they think it’s too hard, or an overwhelming amount of work. This means the best way to reduce stress is first to identify what you care about that must be done. Then you must solve this problem. If the problem is extremely difficult or forbidding, then you must use techniques to break down the problem. I hypothesize that stress is a subconscious belief of the mind that you may be unable to cope with something going on in your life. For example, if you’re house is being taken away from you and you cannot do anything about it, that is an extremely stressful situation since there are no actions you can take to solve this problem. Whereas watching a series of videos to get rid of a parking ticket has a predefined simple path that makes it easy to solve and is therefore not stressful.
Let’s work out an example. Suppose I have to produce some software project within a month. First of all, a month’s worth of work looked at as one whole is a large and forbidding problem. We may never start. The first thing to do is to break this problem down into smaller doable parts. For example, you may mock up a prototype at first, figure out the typical use cases, figure out the software architecture, then write portions of the code. Breaking a hard problem down into easier problems dissipates the belief that the problem is too hard. The other aspect of this problem is, do you have enough time to complete the project? Since you’ve already broken this task down into pieces, you can now attempt to schedule them and see if you’ve enough estimated time to complete them. One thing about this is you should allocate extra time for unforeseen circumstances and this should typically be quite a lot. So for our monthlong example, we would want to complete most of our work by the second or third week and leave ourselves plenty of extra time to complete the work should unforeseen circumstances arise. You may notice that you’ll have to work weekends in order to reach that deadline, and have to work long hours. However, you’ve relieved all the WORRIES that you had about being able to cope with this problem. You know that you can cope the problem with these actions and have turned something that causes stress into a simple solved problem.
Some benefits of this approach is that if you complete the tasks assigned for a particular day, then you’re home free for the rest of the day and can partake in other things in your life. In fact, you are self-incentivizing to finish your work as quickly as possible rather than spread the work out over the course of the whole day. This makes you more time-efficient since you know if you complete your work you can relax and do something fun.
Another tip is to sequence and decompose the tasks for a day such that the easiest things are first and most of the tasks are not too difficult. Sometimes a difficult problem causes people to put off work because they’re worried about it, but if the problems are easy then the cognitive obstacles one must clear in order to start working are much less. Once you start working, then all the obstacles are much less since you are already “in the zone.”
The essence of relieving stress is proving to yourself that you can cope with the problems that come up in life.
The other facet of stress is that some of our beliefs may be preventing ourselves from relieving stress. Suppose you have the belief that you need to be with a certain person in order to be happy. You cannot control what the other person chooses to do, and thus your belief puts you in a position where you are potentially helpless. Putting yourself in that situation is very stressful, but ultimately it is ONLY A PRODUCT OF YOUR BELIEFS. This is when you must reexamine your beliefs and realign them with what is more realistic and healthy. For example, you should believe that there are many people with which you can be with to be happy, and that if you work at it you can find happiness by finding one of these people.